Regret |rɪˌgrɛt|
–verb
1. to feel sorrow or remorse for (an act, fault, disappointment, etc.)
2. to think of with a sense of loss.
–noun
3. a sense of loss, disappointment, dissatisfaction, etc.
4. a feeling of sorrow or remorse for a fault, act, loss, disappointment, etc.
I never used to feel regret. My theory was that whatever it was I did in the past, I would be mature enough to take the consequences and be mindful of not making the same mistakes again. I used to rationalize this feeling by looking at the good things that came out from such situations and learn from it. Regret, to me was just a useless dead-end energy that didn't change anything.
However, with recent events in my life, I can no longer use the same rationalization. No amount of maturity assuage ones loss. There isn't a brighter side, only plain old regret. It's a constant daily mental chastising of thoughts -- ‘I should have spent more time’, ‘I should have been more patient’, ‘I should have read between the lines,’ etc... It doesn't change anything nor does it achieve anything. Still, it is the only thing that enables us to cope with what we perceive to be our mistakes, and aid us to rationalize with our emotions.
But are we really rationalizing? Or are we merely torturing our souls for something we cannot accept in the chance that we are able to make sense of it all? Would the source of our regret really want to see us tortured by our hearts and minds, making sense of an emotion that is perhaps to huge for one to comprehend?
Perhaps we regret because it is easier to regret than to surrender to the feeling of emptiness and loneliness, and lead us straight to that bridge of hope and acceptance for the future. Perhaps we regret because it is the only thing that will let us cling to the past, which is all we have left really.
